20 Funny Tweets About Marriage

It’s Friday, so I assumed I’d share a bit humor as we speak.  Marriage is an excellent factor.  My spouse and I’ve been married for over 30 years.  It’s wonderful to have somebody who will stroll with you thru the nice instances and the dangerous instances of life. 

And sometimes you want humor alongside the way in which to maintain you smiling and laughing. 

Here are 20 humorous tweets about marriage.  Enjoy.

My spouse stated I must develop up. I used to be speechless. It’s arduous to say something with 45 gummy bears in your mouth. (@iwearaonesie)

My spouse wished 2 kittens however I’m the person of on this home so we obtained two kittens. (@justinGuarini)

(in public) A child is crying. At least it is not certainly one of ours. (fist-bump) (@xplodingunicorn)

Couples have an quantity they will spend as much as with out discussing with partner. Mine is $50. My spouse’s is $643.27, apparently. (@TheBoydP)

When my husband goes outdoors to analyze a wierd noise, how lengthy do I’ve to attend earlier than unpausing the present we had been watching. (@amydillon)

Want me to make dinner tonight?  Nah, I do know you are still drained from doing it again in 2003. (@Grantanaka)

Marriage is texting one another “Do you want something from the grocery retailer?” a bunch of instances till you die. (@DanielCorrillo)

I like after I depart work early to shock my spouse at house and she or he says, “Were you fired as we speak???” (@The BoydP)

My spouse simply opened my automotive door for me.  Would have been a pleasant gesture if we weren’t going over 70 mph. (@bradbroaddus)

I needed to wipe child poop off my spouse’s foot.  I do not keep in mind that being certainly one of our wedding ceremony vows. (@Xplodingunicorn)

Marriage is generally about realizing which hand towels you should use and which of them are for the higher individuals who go to your spouse’s house. (@_TroyJohnson)

I’ve obtained married 45 lbs. in the past. (@uncrunchenhanced)

Marriage is principally peeing with the door open and never caring. (@Amyburglar)

Marriage is 2 folks taking turns pushing down the highest of the kitchen rubbish so they do not should take it out. (@ian_mendes)

Please do not watch your stuff beneath my Netflix profile. (@thedadvocate01)

I did not understand having a spouse and daughters would contain proudly owning so many blankets. (@simoncholland)

Before marrying somebody, hear lengthy and arduous to the sounds of their chewing as a result of that is the soundtrack to the remainder of your life. (@LizerReal)

There are two sorts of individuals. The ones that pack six days earlier than a visit, and those that get up day-of and understand they should do a load of laundry. And they marry one another. (@dadmann_walking)

My spouse did not order something from Amazon yesterday so the UPS man knocked on our door to see if we’re okay. (@Rodney Lacroix)

My spouse managed to open a jar of pickles herself and I’m now nonessential. (@thedadvocate01)


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